Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I should

just plan to work during bad weather.

I'd get A LOT of work done.

The weather here is ridiculous. Not anything suitable for a nature girl. As I speak the rain pours down, just as it has done 80% of the last two months. In May, it rains anytime any day. In June, it rains during the afternoon and/or evening. Since the rise of global warming, the storms are more frighteningly strong and more often.
I know - it's not Alaska, and it's not Davenport Iowa dealing with a flood.

But it's a ball and chain nonetheless, to the herbalist trying to study plants and trying to merge with the Earth.

I wanted to sleep outside.

I wanted to grow some vegetables.

But between the rain and the short growing season, forget it.

WHY do people live here anyway? I have to ask. Unless they have a low mortgage and a very high income - oh, and love to work overtime - there just doesn't seem to be a life.

I ask my self daily: where do I belong? Where is home? Where will I be living my purpose most fully, blissfully?

As I stated in my last post, I get no clear answers. I LOVE the small but brilliant community I have found here - the people. But we live so far away, with no real closeness or co-existence. No Eco-village or "I can bike to your place" - everything requires a car, or a trucker, or a plane. There is NO getting around the rise of gas. It's not just cars - it's everything. The source of my computer to talk to you right now, the trucks for groceries, the heat and water and toilet and .......... you name it. And because we are so trapped in oil-ville, it has sufficiently - and ironically - rendered us immobile. We can't SAVE enough to change it. Sometimes I really hate this place. It makes me so angry.

What's a green girl to do? Move away? Ignore this land? Ignore her calling? It's not just me you know - I have a family.

And even with a wonderful, loving, close family - I am starving for intimacy and depth. For accountability and reflection, for direction and leadership, for a place who will welcome me into my power without jealousy, critique, or judgement. And without raping my wallet to say I have accomplished something wonderful.
I love this land - for three months of the year. Does that make any sense? To be able to be actively engaged with the land, for 1/4 of the year? The rest stuck inside?


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